Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
