I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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