a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
