Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
