just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
