the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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