how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
