you win again, gameday.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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