oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
