i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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