and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
