I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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