Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Panties = found
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
