Betty ford says i'm here all night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
