My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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