hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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