I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize