how can u be prego again
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
