He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
