I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
