My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
