im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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