oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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