Sry I called you an 8
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
