Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
