you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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