even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
