I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
