i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
