so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
