how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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