it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
