did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
