At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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