i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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