you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
