we have pet lesbian snakes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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