Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
