from now on my penis is your penis
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
