Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
