Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
