Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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