I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
