mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
