I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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