She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
