M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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