I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
