I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
