I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
