One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
