We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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