I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
