It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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