Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
