I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
