look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
