I can text with my tongue
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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