I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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