community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
