wrigley field is MILF paradise
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
