Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
