using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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