Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
