Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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