too bad you live with your parents still
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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