Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
