my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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