I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
