I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
