I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
