I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
