no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cut my penus on the lid.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
