Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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