That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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