Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
