She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
