They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
