Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
