Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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