Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
