I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
