True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
