this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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