He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
