i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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