why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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